Regretful Eggs

I am sorry. I'm not normally quite this flustered when I flick over the pages of the Cradock Cookery Programme. Usually I feel excited, intrigued, curious, eager, confused, impatient to get started, or puzzled how I'm going to make Fanny's creation work, but today I feel crestfallen and, well, a little bit embarrassed. I feel I must reluctantly give an apology before I even start... What has got me so guilt-ridden? They are just simple Egg Mayonnaise Tartlets, but Fanny calls them Angry Chinese Egg Men.

I am sorry to the entire nation of China, to each and every one of the 1.357 billion people who live in the vast country, and the many millions more who live elsewhere around the world. That's a lot of remorse. I'm not sure that Fanny ever travelled to China, or even met anyone from the East, but perhaps in a different age her negatively stereotypical 'rather cross men' were more funny than offensive? I wonder if Fanny would feel repentant today? Or is it just harmless fun?

I am sorry to Wrights Flour who sent me some Golden Pastry Flour to try. I am sure they were not expecting to see their treasured product transformed into a tartlet case decorated to look like some kind of representation of a distraught Chinese Man. Those distressed farmers growing the wheat, the hardworking millers grinding the flour, the happy-go-lucky packers and shippers who ensured it came to me in perfect form. Regretfully, for this.

I am sorry to the chickens on Over Langshaw Farm, who diligently ate their organic feed and strutted their stuff confidently around the yard waiting to lay set after set of gorgeous eggs, only for them to be boiled up and added to a layer of mayonnaise, with a top layer coloured green. I am sorry to the humiliated Tomato Growers who unwittingly provided the little hats. I am sorry to Wilton who not only never would have expected their harmless food colourings to be used like this, but presumably did not design their decorating pens thinking that someone would follow Fannys instructions to create an angry representation of a Chinese Man on an egg.

I am sorry to other bloggers who have selflessly opened blogging link-ups to help to showcase and share sensational (not sheepish) food blogs with their readers. Poor Dom at Belleau Kitchen will be mortified to see these linked to his Simply Eggcellent challenge but I'm ashamed to admit this is how Fanny liked her eggs in the morning. I'm distraught to add these to the Pastry Challenge from Jen and Lisa, but these were very quick to put together... I reluctantly link to Treat Petite, Egg Mayonnaise and Tomatoes say summer to me, but will Stuart or Kat ever speak to me again? Before I reveal these very Angry Chinese Men, here is a picture of the ones shamefaced Fanny made, just so you don't direct your disdain to me.

Last but not least, I am sorry to the little Chinese Men themselves. I'm guilty of having no idea at all why they have been disguised as mushrooms and plonked in a little pastry boat filled with grass. Or is it water? Or something else? No wonder they are angry.