Merry Crustmas one and all!

With Christmas well and truly over, presents tidied neatly away and the tree starting to look a little shabby, Fanny Cradock moves swiftly onto making pies, naturally. They are simply a must for the New Year, and super for using up any old bits and bobs of scraps that happen to be left lying around after the festivities. Of course, for Fanny that means rabbits, lamb kidneys and pigeons. Things are a little different in my kitchen though, so it's chestnuts, cranberries and some spring onions for me. Not sure what Fanny would think. Fanny whizzes all her various animal parts up into a wonderful raised pie crust, so I'm sure I can too...

Fanny makes her hot water crust 'paste' with self-raising flour of course, milk, water and pure lard. She calls it English Raised Pie Paste. She gives an alternative fancier French Raised Pie Paste (Pâté à Foncer) which replaces the lard with butter, however she warns very strongly that under NO circumstances should a lard replacement be used if making the English version. She probably wouldn't approve of my vegetable fat based lard substitute Trex in that case. For probably read definitely.

Fanny mixes the water with the milk, and melts the 'lard' gently in it until it reaches boiling point. It's then flung into the sifted flour and beaten vigorously until it comes together into a smooth, thick paste. Fanny then kneads it until it is even smoother. The English version is kneaded on a wooden board, while the French demands a marble one. Not sure what the Veggie version should be, so I just use the counter. Either way it should be used immediately otherwise it will become hard and cold, just like Fanny herself, some bolder than I might suggest. Keeping it warm is key, in contrast to other pastry which must be kept cool. Fanny rolls her out on top of the cooker while the oven is on.

Fanny fills her pies with pâté and hard boiled eggs. I try to recreate the pâté by blitzing up the chestnuts, spring onions and cranberries before mixing in a perfectly ordinary egg. Fanny makes a large raised pie, but I have a lovely 'individual' baking tray thingy so I line them out with the still warm hot water paste, pop in some pâté, place half a boiled egg in the centre, pack round more pâté and seal on a lid of pastry with a little brush of milk. Obviously with a little leaf fashioned out of pastry scraps on top too. Above all garnish and presentation.

Fanny bakes her pie in a low oven for a long time, until it looks crisp and brown. My little individual ones take around 45 minutes before coming out, cooling slightly and then being unmoulded. Fanny leaves hers until the next day in the refrigerator all ready to serve to unwelcome guests popping round uninvited between festivities. The finished pies are lovely, the hot water crust is so crisp and tasty, easy to make and I am sure versatile. Many pies to come. After all, not a rabbit, pigeon or lambs liver in sight. Merry Crustmas one and all.

You Must Be Yolking

More often than not dear old Fanny is deadly serious when it comes to her discussion of food, her directions for preparation and her dissections for garnish. It is a serious business after all, and she wants us to take it equally seriously. However from time to time she just feels likes throwing it all up in air to have a chuckle. Clowning around isn't a normal way of things in the Cradock Kitchen, as you can imagine, but when she feels a little prank coming on, she frolics in and can barely contain herself. If the pun is a visual one, it would seem, more the better, and best of all if she can (wise)crack with an eggs-capade or two, the yolk is wonderfully complete. I'll try and contain myself...

Observable one-liners are very much en vogue at the moment, with the likes of the ever-inventive Frances Quinn and her amazing showstoppers on Great British Bake Off. Fannys stunts don't strive for the same standard of shenanigans, they are not quite as elaborate, but she does try to trick our eyes as we tuck in. Here, she wants us to believe we are making Poached Eggs. Sweet ones. Worry not, it's NOT like her beloved omelettes. There's nothing more to it than some droll sponge, quirky cream and apricot cups full of jest... The joke's on you if you think all cooking is complicated.

Fanny takes her ordinary 'fresh' sponge (you'll see that I freshly purchased a Madeira Cake but you may interpret her directions as you will) and slices it into squares, *spoiler*, as if to resemble slices of toast. You can probably guess the punchline to this one. My Madeira was a little thick and much as I like a doorstep sandwich, I neatly sliced it down the centre before beginning. The slices were still fairly hefty, so you could do the same again. Or you could just eat a huge wad of cake, like I did.

Fanny carefully whips some cream, by hand of course, until it is thick but not too firm, and spreads a little on each slice of 'toast' in as neat a not-quite-circular egg-shape as you can manage. Fanny suggests some grown-up supervision may be required, these are really for the little people to make you see. The final witty step is to glibly open a tin of apricot halves (or cups as Fanny correctly refers to them). An adult is definitely required for this, especially if like me your tin is the old-fashioned type without a ring-pull. I'm all for authenticity you see...

Dry off a 'cup' and plonk it onto the cream, a little off centre if you are pernickety about detail like moi, and voilà, there you have Fanny's Sweet Poached Eggs on Toast. Don't mention to Fanny they more closely resemble Fried Eggs, she won't laugh along. Everyone will be mightily fooled, everyone will laugh heartily, everyone will revel enviously in your whimsical repartee. They are, quite incidentally, fairly tasty too - a sweet, cakey, creamy, fruity treat. Farcical Fanny has also worked on a suitable joke *clears throat*, ahem, to share as you serve them, just to build on the theme. I'm just copying it out as she has written it okay? Alternatively, supply your own egg-based humour... "Do you know what the hen said to the dish of scrambled egg? Gee, you poor, crazy, mixed up kids!"

Poor old Dom at Belleau Kitchen may end up with egg on his face this month, as I'm sneakily entering these 'Sweet Poached Eggs' into his Simply Eggcellent blogger link-up thingy... The theme this month is Anything Goes, I do hope Dom is a good egg and accepts Fannys Funny Frolic in the good spirit it is intended... Pop over and share a 'yolk' or two with him...

Coping with the Cradocks at Christmas + Vintage Book Giveaway!

Oh my Fanny Cradock, it's blooming December already - how on earth did that happen? Fanny would be thoroughly ashamed of me as I really haven't had time to prepare for Christmas yet. She always makes a very prompt start in, erm, January, so I can't even decide if I'm late or just a little bit ahead by thinking about it now. Perhaps I've missed a whole year somewhere? Fanny laid out her blueprint for a perfect Christmas first of all in her much-sought-after book Coping with Christmas in 1968 - the book that supposedly 'let's you relax at Christmas', but ironically sent the housewife of the sixties into a severe seasonal spin. Nigella references it in her Christmas book too. I am hoping to inspire some of you to follow in Fanny's rather imposing footsteps by giving away a copy of this essential reading - read on to find out how! It's my Christmas gift to you (wrinkles nose and smiles to camera).

Firstly though, just incase I am not alone and we are all in a flap, we needn't worry too much - Fanny will soon be appearing on a TV near you thanks to the guys at Food Network UK (scheduled to begin on December 7th, set to record NOW) running through all her handy hints for festive fun. I've already had a head start in previous years as I cooked my way through the many 'Treats de Noël' that she shoehorned in to share on the show... Let's take a wee trip and skip back through the joys that are an Essential Cradock Christmas. Fanny was very fond of Choux Paste as we know, and it is her first 'must make' for guests this Christmas.

Best to make plenty of those to keep your tupperware boxes full to keep your guests filled up, they may not be as keen on the Royal Mincemeat creations. In fairness Fanny's mincemeat is delicious, and it is put to good use making Mince Pies, Mincemeat Pancakes and even a Mincemeat Swiss Roll if you really fancy it. If you must. However I defy anyone to make and ENJOY the infamous Mincemeat Omelette. Served wet, of course, with a very thick dusting of icing sugar. It only makes it taste even worse, but you'll definitely want to hide it as best you can.

Quickly grab a bottle of booze and take a swig after tasting that, that's the only advice I can possibly give. While it's in your hand, slosh some into a small pan, heat gently and fling it over your lovingly created Christmas Pudding and waggle it gently as you set fire to it. Keep wiggling as you take it through to wow your guests, and hope that they forget the wuggly omelette.

If anyone still has room, and doesn't fancy another quickly prepared omelette (Poor Sarah is on hand if you've acquired a taste) the Christmas Cake is the perfect crowning glory... You really should've made it well before now of course, Fanny will be cross with you (and me), but perhaps we could make them together now ready for next year and just keep them 'lively' with the odd splash of booze, which by now we all understand, is constantly in hand.

So that's how Fanny copes with Christmas. Easy. Except these are only the very basics you see. Tune in to her jolly Christmas shows to see more, and do enter my giveaway below to win your very own copy of Coping with Christmas, which contains many more ideas and recipes than she even managed to squeeze into the specially made-for-TV Booklet (this book is not that, just to be clear). If you win, we can start together in January and be so very prepared for Christmas 2016, and not shamefully caught out again, like this year. Go on, enter now*, you'll be surprised how much of a perfect Cradock Christmas you've coped without doing before.

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* If you are the lucky winner chosen by Rafflecopter I will send you this lovely book, which is a duplicate from my own collection - it's a used, vintage paperback printed in 1968 but is in really great condition and is a HOOT to read!