Basket Balls

I'm sure we've all had days like these. The cupboards are barer than bare and the usually upwardly buoyant inspiration has hit an all-time low. You just want to grab something simple to eat, anything, and not worry one little bit what it looks like. It's not like anyone is going to see it but you, is it? Until there's that unexpected knock at the front door and you remember with horror that you casually invited Mrs so-and-so from the next street along that you never really liked very much round for a bite to eat while showing off your holiday slides. Oh balls! Fix a smile, contain your panic and think 'What Would Fanny Do?'

The inevitable answer is always something erupting with elegance and embellishment, something that the nasty not-bargained-for neighbour would never dream of. Something they would simply have to rave about as the hover over the garden fence to tell the other, intentionally uninvited, neighbours about in great detail. Above all garnish and presentation. As you glance round the kitchen though, while Mrs so-and-so takes a gander round your living room hoping to find specks of dust, or worse, options seem limited. Just a fleshy fruit flashing a wink at you from the counter-top... If all life gives you is a melon, what on earth do you do?

Fanny says balls, naturally. Melon balls. Always classy, fresh and zingy. But are they dramatic enough? Will Mrs so-and-so really be impressed with a pile of balls? Fanny clearly thinks 'no'. Her answer is to make an overblown feature of the melon itself, pulling on all her creative powers to fashion it into a basket to cradle the otherwise 'everyday' balls. Pesky Mrs so-and-so will never believe it...

Knife skills are key here, first of all marking out the handle for the basket, then slowly and carefully creating an overly exaggerated jagged edge, you know, erm, like all baskets have. Slicing ever-so-carefully around the design to release two sections of melon either side of that 'handle'. Then trim out under the arch, and scoop out the seeds, no-one would be impressed with those. Grab your melon baller (which I presume is never far from hand) - although do remember when Mrs so-and-so asks it's called a Parisian cutter - and swirl those off-cuts into the spherical star turn. That'll show Mrs so-and-so, I bet she's never eaten melon balls from an actual melon basket...

Fanny does not stop there of course, always a footstep ahead when it comes to flaunting fruit. She identifies a deserted tin of mandarin oranges sitting all lonesome in the bleak kitchen cupboard. But how can you serve tinned fruit to Mrs so-and-so and get away with it. Taking girl power as her inspiration (no doubt) the answer, as ever when uncertain, is to spice up your life. Fanny gently heats the mandarins with water, sugar and cinnamon before serving them 'icy' cold. Luckily for me my store cupboards also have some mulled wine Spice Drops, so I just add them to the juice and slosh it on. No need to gently heat and chill. Made in minutes, Mrs so-and-so will be lost for words. So, get carving and balls to her.