Friday, 11 October 2013

Corkscrewed! Uh-oh, Johnnie's on the wine...

In each partwork, a double page spread is given to Fanny's husband Johnnie to pass on his expertise and suggestions for wine. In this edition though we start with the basics - what is a corkscrew and how do you use one? Johnnie gives a brief history of the corkscrew - a bigger mystery than the Marie Celeste seemingly - before insisting that we don't use a particular kind. The one we should never use is of course called an 'ordinary' corkscrew with a single thread. These monsters will mean you'll have to grip the bottle of wine between your knees, stick your 'behind' out and generally adopt a posture not becoming of fine wine. Johnnie demonstrates.

Johnnie does note that there are 'others' who have behinds of comparable dimensions to his own - do you think he dares to mean Fanny? Anyway, fear not as Johnnie has the corkscrew solution - a 'superior' type with a two threads. These turn in opposite directions simultaneously ensuring the cork is drawn with ease, and in a much more pleasant posture. Again, Johnnie demonstrates.

My own note would be that the facial expressions Johnnie adopts are optional. 

So, if you now know which corkscrew to buy - the most expensive you can afford apparently - and are looking for a detailed pic-strip to show you how to open your wine - which again will be the most expensive you can afford - worry not, as Johnnie is here to help.

The only corkscrews I have are those nasty little single threaders so I am unable to compare the results, or the posture, but I've always found them to be fine. Honestly though I've never considered if my behind sticks out too much while opening a cheeky bottle of red, clearly I have my priorities all wrong. I wonder what Johnnie would make of the rise of screw caps over corkscrews... Anyway as Johnnie says 'Cork Away!' - is it wine time yet?

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