Fanny Takes The Biscuit

Fanny Cradock just loves tiddling things up. She can't leave anything alone. Nothing is safe from her nimble fingers, cunning plans and decorating box of tricks. Plain old things bore her to tears. The nasty neighbours would talk about you over the fence if you served them something basic, or even if they spied it on your plate... Why on earth would you have something 'ordinary' when you could transform it into 'extraordinary' in a flash? 'Stripped down' and 'modest' were not in Fanny's vocabulary.

Even the simplest of biscuits could be tiddled up from basic to fancy. Shortbread is often thought of as a simple biscuit, but in Fanny's world this needn't be the case. Fanny is not suggesting that we all spend hours and hours in the kitchen creating ridiculous showstoppers (ahem, biscuit Chandelier anyone?), however with a little bit of imagination and some store cupboard essentials, the nasty neighbours may just be, reluctantly, voting you as Star Baker when the pop round for afternoon tea.

Fanny's shortbread is made from a mix of ordinary flour and Rice flour (for a crunch), butter and caster sugar. The butter is beaten with the sugar, and then the mix of flours gently added in to combine. The mixture resembles breadcrumbs really, but should clump together between your hands if you give it a good squeeze. Think of this nasty neighbours and cackle loudly as you do it.

Fanny then rolls out the crumbly mix and begins the transformation from unvarnished to embellished. A third of the dough is cut cleverly into leaf shapes. Fanny does this freehand, so do I. I don't have any leaf cutter, but you may do. A third are cut into simple rounds with a very ordinary cutter. The final third are also cut into rounds, with the centre of half of those cut with a piping nozzle to make rings. All from the same austere mixture. The simple rounds are to be glazed with egg white and scattered with almond flakes. Leave the rest bare and bake for around eight or nine minutes. Just time to lean over the fence and gloat to those neighbours.

Let the tiddling begin! The almond rounds are already tiddled, so set them on a rack to cook. Carefully, they will be soft until they do. The rounds with holes become like Jammie Dodgers, filled with jam. I have used Rhubarb and Gin jam for mine. Gin helps everything. This is not enough tiddling for Fanny however. Slice a coloured glacé cherry in half, plonk it in the centre and add a sprig of cut Angelica. There is no explanation of why, but tiddle away and ask no questions. The leaves are tiddled with melted chocolate chips, covering only half the leaf. Tiddling done, the nasty neighbours will think you've been at it for hours...

Going Dutch in the Oven

Sometimes Fanny Cradock makes suggestions that are widely applicable to a range of different situations. She'll say that such and such a cake is suitable for rustling up quickly perhaps when so and so just happen to pop round unexpectedly. Other menus are carefully crafted to stun the neighbours that you never really liked very much, convince uncertain bosses that promotion is the best option or to dazzle old chums on a heaving buffet table when entertaining. From time to time though she suggests something that's just so specific it's hard to imagine anyone thinking 'oh yes, that's just what I've been waiting for.' The final 'bread' in this partwork is just that - apparently it's simply perfect for when you are entertaining Dutch friends at Easter and are struggling to think what to serve them for breakfast. Always a dilemma.

The answer is Dutch Easterbread. or Oesterbröd. There can't really be many perfect choices for this situation. It's fortunate that Fanny herself happened to be in Amsterdam one Easter Sunday to taste this. Fanny doesn't disclose if any other traditional Dutch delicacies were taken on that particular trip. She does admit to having an 'overwhelming compulsion' to eat almond paste and crystallised fruits though, so was naturally drawn to this traditional Dutch bread which is filled with a fruity marzipan-y concoction. In Fannys mind, it would be too shameful to serve something from our own fair isle I imagine.

This recipe starts off with a standard batch of white bread dough. While it's proving, get to work whipping up some butter until it is 'creamily soft'. In Fanny's favourite kitchen implement, a roomy bowl, mix together ground almonds, icing sugar (sifted of course), glacé cherries (I've got some lovely retro-tastic multi-coloured ones), raisins and finely diced candied Angelica. It's all Fannys favourite things. Angelica has such an unusual taste, I love it. It's a favourite botanical in gin, which is probably why I love it so much! It's long overdue for a comeback in it's own right though I reckon. This nostalgic mix is bound together with an egg white to make a fairly firm paste.

Once proved, Fanny says to roll the dough out to a rectangular shape and spread it with the softened whipped butter. Fanny forms her fruity paste into a 'sausage' and rolls it up so that it's inside the dough. Fanny is very particular about the decoration, I'm guessing you wouldn't want your Easter breakfast guests from the Netherlands to be sniggering behind your back at your lack of authentic detail. So, I do as I am told and score the top of the loaf with 'slanty' cuts about 1/4 inch apart all the way down. A quick egg wash and a sprinkle with bashed up loaf sugar (or just ready bashed caster sugar) and it's ready to bake. Just 'until it's ready' - Fanny clearly thinks I'm now able to judge when this will be.

Having helped us to make several Cradock-style loaves now, Fanny is concerned about storage. She thinks it's vitally important, especially if you are new to the job. For busy women (and presumably men) there is 'no mortal use' in caring sufficiently about your families health (or perhaps your Dutch overnight guests) to create 'crusty crusts and an edible crumb with an absolute absence of artificial bleaching agents', unless the resulting beautiful loaves last several days. Fanny's recommendation is simple, once cooled wrap them tightly in ordinary kitchen foil. Then, even if your Dutch guests outstay their welcome and are still popping up for breakfast 2, 3, 4 or even 5 days after Easter, you will be serving them perfectly edible bread on each occasion. If you really want to see them 'rejoice' when they spy their breakfast tray, the trick is to serve this loaf not only with wheels of butter, but slices of cheese and ham rolled up. Oh, they'll be thrilled! Do let me know if you ever have guests from Holland over Easter and you try this. Or if like me, you don't, but simply love a massive slice of fruity, sweet almond bread.

It's All In The Booklet #3 - Your Christmas Cake

With only a hint of disgust, Fanny agrees to give two recipes for Christmas Cake - her Grandmothers Rich Fruit Cake, that so many people love (although not Fanny it would seem), and a 'spit new' one that Fanny has never shared before, her White Christmas Cake, which is beige of course. Fanny insists in the tough economic times that she is writing the booklet - which really has so much in it that it's a small book - that we all enjoy at least ONE decent cake in the year. I decide to make and enjoy both of course. The ingredients are similar, but instead of all dark fruits, the White Christmas cake has glacé pineapple, oranges, coloured cherries and her very favourite and long forgotten angelica. It's also made with a mixture of self raising flour and cornflour.

On TV Fanny assures viewers that she has scrubbed and scrubbed 'downstairs', but innuendo fans can relax as she means her hands in the make up room, presumably the studio is upstairs. For both cakes, hands are used to mix and squelch the ingredients together before they are plopped into the prepared cake tins ready for baking. I may have also used a spatula, luckily poor darling Sarah didn't attempt to tidy mine away, so no need to bark at her this time.

Once baked they really do look quite different, the old fashioned one is gloriously dark, shiny and heavy while the spit new version is light, and sparkly - but Fanny pleas that we please do not mistake it for a Madeira cake, Fanny will go right off you if you do. I know they are ready as they come out the oven NOT singing. This is Fannys top tip for cake testing, although if you are deaf, she says, use a skewer. I've made both cakes several weeks ago of course, Fanny says they are best if made a year in advance but I'm not convinced, or that prepared. I've been steadily feeding them with a Brandy ever since. Fanny recommends using the very cheapest of cooking Brandy from a miniature bottle, but feeling flush I go for something much more high end, it's just who I am. Sorry Fanny.

Fanny covers her cakes in real, classic, Almond Paste, which shouldn't be confused with nasty, cheap, shop bought Marzipan. It's made with ground almonds, icing sugar, raw egg whites, orange flower water and rose flower water. Please do not irritate Fanny, as one person did after at a demonstration at the Royal Albert Hall who wrote afterwards to tell Fanny her recipe was disgusting, and use flowery Face Cream instead of flavoured waters for culinary use. Okay? The waters used to be only available from the chemist, hence the mistake, but are now widely available in supermarkets thankfully. Fanny will NOT tolerate criticism from viewers and readers if they do not follow her recipes CORRECTLY. I do and it was a joy to make the almond paste actually, and easy to roll and cover the cakes.

For the icing, Fanny gets upset that we might revert to the usual Royal Icing which will create a fearful mess, break our teeth and fly across the room as we cut into it, but she grudgingly gives a recipe for it anyway. However her favoured recipe is for triumphant and easy to handle Fondant Icing and she encourages us to make this instead. Oh, I've never made my own, just bought some and rolled it out. It was surprisingly easy to make too though - just icing sugar, egg whites and gently warmed liquid glucose.

Fanny has another top tip for rolling out the icing, which I am dubious about but it really works well, and that's to use cornflour. It never sticks, and won't spoil the icing. Fabulous. Fanny shows us how to slip our arms under the rolled out fondant, of course making sure our nails are well manicured and clean, and lift it carefully over the cakes before smoothing down. For old fashioned cake I keep it traditional, but for the White Christmas version I add a swirl of blue food colouring for a marbled effect. Fanny thinks blue colouring is best for cakes and green for potatoes. I have transformed the 'rather dull assembly of cakes' into sparkly festive crackers. I'm almost as relieved as Fanny when she rather surprisingly proclaims 'we've done it' to poor Sarah. Unfortunately, I don't have a Johnnie, who is terribly good at these things, on hand with ordinary florist paper and a tube of UHU glue to make my trims, but I manage. Merry Christmas!