Dont boak, it's only Gwen Troake!

Fanny Cradock never cooked with Gwen Troake, not surprising after judging her nauseating banquet menu so harshly, claiming her ideas were 'too rich' and just plainly not suitable for presentation at a professional level. For Fanny, the end of a long career on TV, for Gwen it resulted in her first, and only cookbook, endorsed by Esther Rantzen. Esther said that the nation became either pro-Troake or pro-Cradock following the showdown, but my guess is that the only winner was the book publisher, who presumably shifted a fair few copies of plainly unprofessional Gwen's Country Cookbook.

The main ingredient that made Fanny pull faces as if she was holding back a substantial slew of slurried spew was the humble Bramble. Fanny claimed on TV not to even know what one was, and continued her bile-laden disgust at Gwen for even suggesting that it would make a suitable sauce to be served with Duck at the banquet the Big Time show was built around. Game old Gwen simply chuckled at Fanny's vitriolic vomit and carried on regardless. No-one else really seemed to like her recipes, but somehow they made it into her book. This must've made Fanny retch even more.

The Bramble Sauce recipe is a peculiar one indeed. Gwen simmered Brambles in plain water for around 15 minutes before straining and pushing them through a sieve. The pulp was discarded, and the juice thickened first of all with that staple of all 70's sauces, cornflour, and then with a very un-Fanny ingredient. Shop bought lemon jelly. Fanny would heave. Gwen adds sugar to make it even sweeter, a little salt and a splash of red wine, presumably for refinement. I can see why Fanny remained on the point of gagging. Especially as an accompaniment for a savoury main course. Perhaps it was meant to be regurgitated for dessert?

In her quest to extend our rice repertoire, Fanny makes some sweet fritters and suggests serving them with 'your favourite jam sauce'. Hmmm. I bet she never thought anyone would dare to recreate Gwens creation though. I'm wicked. I know. Shoot me. Fanny binds together cold, cooked rice with an egg, some ground almonds, sugar and a generous sprinkling of cinnamon. She shapes them into little rissoles and fries them very gently in olive oil (from the chemist) until they are a nice brown colour. They don't really look like a dessert, more of a chicken nugget type of a thing, or dare I say a duck-nugget should such a thing even exist?

The resulting modern day 'collaboration' between Fanny and Gwen is a slightly more convivial combination. The crunchy, slightly sweetly spicy but otherwise plain rice 'fritters' are given a new lease of life with the overly sweet, citrusy Bramble jam sauce, which is thick and gloopy. I find myself dipping the fritters into it as if it were ketchup (not that I've ever actually eaten ketchup, the thought of it truly makes me heave) in a way that would probably increase Fannys revulsion. Perhaps they should've written a cookbook together, partly for professionals and partly for the public, instead of bickering their way into the history books. Gwen's Brambles may not have appealed to Fanny, and may have never appeared again in such a form on any table - professional banquet or otherwise. Fanny's guidance may have provoked less of a joke, croaking more a masterstroke than a choke, and revoked both their futures from hurtling towards broke. That's all folks...

Diamonds Are Forever - Sixty Years of Kitchen Magic

Somewhat unbelievably, 2015 marks the simply sensational sixtieth anniversary of Fanny Cradocks first ever proper TV show. Well, proper in Fanny's own special way. Prior to 1955 she had been a regular on radio of course, dispensing Hints for Housewives on Womans Hour, cooking up 'dishes which can be done in a flash'. However, it wasn't long before Fanny (then know plainly as Phyllis) and Johnnie transferred to TV. Their first 15-minute BBC show, The Cradocks with Kitchen Magic, was interestingly even then billed as 'an unusual style of TV cookery to a TV audience', but the ratings delivered with them scoring 73% of the potential audience despite its after dark time slot. I don't think any footage exists, although they later recreated it for Gas Board promotional film, but what a treat if it ever turned up!

Fanny and Johnnie filmed a follow up, the crackingly titled The Cradocks are Frying Tonight ('an evening dress version of their afternoon show') for the BBC before switching to independent TV for Associated Rediffusion who lured them with the glory of full half hour shows. Fanny felt they were much more suited to them than the measly 15 minutes the BBC offered. Chez Bon Viveur and Fanny's Kitchen were independent hits, but they soon returned to the BBC with Challenge in the Kitchen - where Fanny was pitted against a French male chef to explore 'if men cooked better than women' - and their very first Christmas show, the Bon Viveur Gala Christmas Dinner broadcast from the Royal Albert Hall.

The 1950's ended with yet more TV appearances with Fanny and Johnnie introducing their soon-to-be-well-established cookery club idea to the Mainly for Women afternoon show by making assiette de crudités and boxes of chocolates. Presumably these were particularly called for back then. They continued to make appearances on a variety of programmes, among them making exciting party feasts For Deaf Children and making a case for elegant presentation on Home at One Thirty. It was here that Fanny introduced her idea to make three course meals in 15 minutes. Beat that Jamie! Fifty years before his quick-fire series, just saying.

Fanny was still developing her unique persona and style, personally, as a TV cook and as a TV personality, confusingly popping up as a gardening expert in Living Today before returning to radio for Beginning to Cook, following another familiar future theme of six elementary lessons. The 1960's were a boon time for Fanny and TV however, with Kitchen Party, Home Cooking, Adventurous Cooking, Problem Cooking, Ten Classic Dishes, the ground-breaking Colourful Cookery which Fanny was surely born for and Giving a Dinner Party all airing. All with the essential accompanying booklet of course, and all in between popular appearances on Juke Box Jury or Call My Bluff. We just couldn't get enough Fanny.

The 60's also saw Fanny's first full Christmas series, Christmas Cooking, which covered the Pudding, The Cake and the Birds - all the festive fundamentals. The 1970's are often seen as the glory years for Fanny on TV, but perhaps this is simply because most of the footage still exists? With Fanny Cradock Invites, she invited us to a range of parties each episode from Cheese and Wine, Sunday Brunch and even one for Teenagers. very much the Nigella of her day. Again, it was all in the booklet. Fanny jumped from Generation Game appearances to frolicking around Europe exploring their cuisines and giving expert advice to other cooks for Nationwide. This new role as 'advice giver' would come back to haunt but, but as 1975 continued we saw perhaps her most famous shows, the wonderful Fanny Cradock Cooks for Christmas, which are still shown regularly each festive season, often to collective gasps from TV audiences and Twitter alike.

The 1970's also saw the demise of Fanny's TV career with the ill-judged Gwen Troaks Banquet on the Big Time. It is often cited as her final TV appearance, following a rude demolition of poor Gwen's ideas and skills. In scenes which would be popular for 'judges' today, the viewers in the 70's found it hard to swallow. However, during the 1980's she popped up on Pebble Mill, Wogan and the unusually titled Sin on Saturday to name but a few. I'd love to see that one particularly! Her final TV cooking slots were for independent breakfast TV, introducing the early morning TV-am viewers to the wonders of filo pastry.

Rather sadly, most of Fanny's TV appearances remain either in the vaults or have disappeared forever, sometimes popping up in a welcome manner on compilation shows and tribute programmes like TV Heroes, Look Who's Cooking and the Way We Cooked. I'd love to have a rummage around in the archives though, and I'm sure we'd all enjoy the televisual treats that could be uncovered. Perhaps the BBC are already planning a suitably splendid Fanny Cradock Diamond Anniversary Celebration? We are still hungry to see Fanny's unusual style of cookery... Aren't we?

Stuff that Judge!

Fanny doesn't like to judge (much *cough*) but she doesn't like vegetable racks. You know the layered ones that lurk around the kitchen. She goes as far as calling them 'beastly things' that are no more than a 'tiered sieve which silts dirt onto nice clean floors or shelves'. Have a quick glance into your own kitchen, is there one there? If so, you may be one of the happy but uneducated band of housewives who are new to housekeeping and may need Fanny's help in how to judge your vegetables. Fanny is an authority and is keen as ever to critique your shopping basket and appraise the vegetables you've shamefully returned with. You clearly need help.

Cabbages should be crisp and hard to the touch - Fanny says limp leaves and pliable centres are 'eloquent of old age'. Cauliflowers too should be crisp and hard, with each floret white and tightly snuggled up to its neighbour. Celery should snap when you bend it - if it bends, move on! Please do not buy Brussel Sprouts that look like 'over-blown cabbages for Borrowers'. Fanny appears to be blushing slightly, or maybe it's me, as she discusses Brussels. She knows the French have a vulgar name for them, but she simply won't share it with us. All she will say, delicately, is that it refers to them being firm, tight and tiny. Oh my, Fanny!

Fanny likes her carrots hard, crisp, thick and stumpy. Never as long, tapering things which are inedible. Quite. Jerusalem Artichokes should not be like tired waiters' feet, just in case that was your preferred point of reference. If they are all bunions and knobbles, they are not suitable for munching on. The artichokes that is, not the waiters' feet, that is entirely your own preference. Fanny prefers hers with only tiny knobbles, which are easier to groom instead of full-on knobbles which are murder for both time and hands. Again, this applies to artichokes and not waiters. Maybe.

To prepare a range of 'crisp and hard' vegetables for the judging bench, Fanny suggests a dazzling array of canapés. Sure to impress even the fiercest of critics. Brush a mushroom with olive oil and bake it for ten minutes, before topping with carefully wilted and sieved spinach mixed with cheese, butter and seasoning. It can look fairly plain, so of course, top it jauntily with an almond. Steam a baby marrow (also known as courgette, Fanny helpfully points out), split it lengthways and scoop out the insides. Mash them and mix them up with breadcrumbs, cheese, garlic, butter and seasoning, stuff it all back into the baby marrow and bake. While the oven is on, you may as well make the most of it so scoop out a tomato and stuff it with breadcrumbs, cheese and herbs and pop it in there too.

If no only-slightly-knobbly artichokes are available, a tin will suffice. Drain them, top them with a thick cheese sauce and bubble them under the grill. A sliver of tomato is all that is required to transform your presentation. Again, jaunty is best. For the final canapé, Fanny reaches into her handbag and reveals the tool of all true professionals - the boat shaped tin. Bake scraps of pastry in them, and fill with steamed carrots chopped finely and mixed with cream and a mere 'gooseberry' of butter. Fanny judges these to be the bees-knees of canapés, little did she know in only a few years her judgements would mean the end to her career on the BBC. Just ask poor Gwen Troake who was 'judged' by Fanny to be a rank amateur. These days an online petition would call for Fanny to be reinstated à la Clarkson, but poor Fanny had to slink back to her rack-free, silt-less kitchen and convince herself that she was right, she was always right, it's the way of professionals.